August 15, 2013

Quiet

silenceblog9_23
It’s been awfully quiet around here lately. I’ve been thinking about why. I used to write a lot. All the time. And now, hardly anything.
I could say it’s because I’ve “been so busy,” and that’s true, I have. Scarcely a day goes by that I have to myself, and I miss it. Especially when I think about the possibility of those days going by as well. But “busy” is only half the problem, because I do still spend a good amount of time not-busy. In fact, I’m spending a lot of time not-anything. Not writing. Not cleaning. Not exercising. I do those things, but not as much as I could.
Anyway, it occurred to me that part of the problem is that I’m not reading anything longer than facebook statuses anymore. I get on blogloving about once a week and do a binge catch-up on everyone, which burns me out so quickly that commenting is not a possibility. I picked up a book a couple of weeks ago, and read a lot in a couple of days, but then set it down and didn’t look at it again. This is not like me.
Pretty much I’m spending my “down time” – and even some “up time” – watching Netflix. Not playing with the dogs. Not even getting on twitter. This is not like me.
I think Deployment Fatigue finally hit this week. Including multiple doses of Deployment Curse. And I'm just drained.
Maybe this is just the way it’s got to be for the next several weeks (even I’m not sure exactly how many). Maybe this is default survival mode to keep anxiety at bay. Maybe a little escapism to keep myself from developing Deployment Myopia is a good thing.
Maybe I just need to get this all out of my system. All of those things can still happen even after SoldierMan comes back. Some of them may even be easier with him here. I guess I’m just in a funk.
All that to say….if you still come ‘round these parts and actually read what I throw up here, I appreciate it. I’ll get back up to snuff one day.

5 comments:

  1. I've had the same problem lately. Well, sort of. I think of things I want to write, but rarely sit down and write them. I bought 3 books in July and I'm only halfway through one of them. Part of the problem is the toddler, but the rest is all me. Who knows....

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  2. It is way too early for me in the deployment for me to be feeling this way. I normally can read a book in a day or two depending on size and I'm barely making progress in my current one after a week. I had all these plans to work out, learn a language and do scrapbooking and I've done none of it. Sigh. It just seems like too much effort and it is sad.

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  3. I hated that part of deployment.
    Sometimes I just felt like I was in autopilot mode and just doing anything to keep me thinking about time.
    Hugs to you!

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  4. Do what you need to do. If it's work and watching Netflix, that's fantastic!

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  5. Been there done that!! I am so sorry.. That part of deployment sucks.. The best thing I can say.. GET INVOLVED! Go volunteer.. At a nursing home, an animal shelter, heck even your FRG! Hahaha I become an FRG leader during my deployment funk stage! Best thing in my life.. Grew me and got me outta the funk! Whatever you do or want to do... JUST DO IT! Hoping the best for you! Keep us posted... YOU GOT THIS! <3 HUGS from one military wife to another <3

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