May 2, 2012

An Update…and reflection

First of all, thanks for everyone’s prayers last week. My uncle had heart surgery and it turns out that the problem wasn’t nearly as bad as they thought, which is good news. Not sure what the confusion was, but there you go.

We’re still waiting on the final word on my grandpa. Technically, he’s supposed to have surgery next Monday, but they haven’t confirmed that yet. We’re obviously really hoping they can go ahead and get is done ASAP. You don’t want to let cancer sit there any longer than necessary. Speaking of….

Dad is scheduled to have surgery on Tuesday. I’m not going to lie, it’s been a long week already. Dad called Monday night to let me know what the latest was. They have done multiple tests to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread into his brain, lymph nodes or the rest of his face. Some of that, they won’t know until the actual surgery. Monday, indications weren’t optimistic. Yesterday, some of the results came back clear, which in my opinion is practically a miracle, considering how long this has been festering. Now it looks like, as far as cancer treatment, he could get away from this with just the surgery on Tuesday. He’ll still need the follow-up procedures to make sure the surgery heals in such a way that it doesn’t do a lot of damage. But things look much better today than they did at the beginning of the week.

The beginning of the week was tough. Monday night it looked like we could well be looking at a much more serious prognosis. As horrible as melanoma is, few things are quite as terrifying as hearing the words “brain” and “cancer” in the same sentence as a possibility. I hung up the phone with my dad and told SoldierMan the latest. I guess my face was pretty easy to read, because the first thing he said was, “Do you want to go home?” Later that night my mom texted me and asked if I wanted to come home. Thankfully SoldierMan’s schedule next week will work out perfectly for me to go home for a few days and get back before he goes in the field, so the dogs aren’t left in the desert sun without water.

I’m not going to lie, the 24 hours before we heard that (some of) the test results came back looking good were very scary. I don’t think I slept much at all Monday night. Partly because the dumb dogs kept waking me up. Mostly because I was too stressed. I probably cried all day Tuesday. I went to a really small high school. At the peak, our whole class had 60-some-odd people in it. When I was in 10th grade, a guy in our class, his dad died from melanoma. I don’t want to think through it again, but I remember a lot of it, and that’s what kept going through my head all yesterday morning. It was a long day. Thankfully I had a sewing project to keep me distracted.

I am going to go home next week, thankfully. That also helped me sleep better last night. It’s a pain and a hassle but I really need to be home.

The discussion in Sunday School featured a lot of talk about keeping faith in bad times. That wasn’t the lesson, but I don’t think these people care too much about staying on topic :) But people kept talking about how it’s important to just keep going in faith and not letting yourself doubt when you don’t understand what’s going on. I kept hearing those words all yesterday. I felt pretty weak. I battled a lot of doubt. And anger. I mean, people in my family live into their 90s, on average. It’s unusual for them not to. The only person who hasn’t is my aunt….who had cancer.

Anyway, I had to do a lot of business with God yesterday and today. I still don’t feel very strong, but I definitely have more peace about the situation.

I know I’m rambling, but I have to get this all out somewhere. And while I am primarily sharing this so that, if you would, you’d know how to pray for my family, I need the release more than anything.

12 comments:

  1. Very glad you got a bit of good news and hope it gets better for you after next week! I think going home is always a little good for the soul :) PS-- I would kidnap your dogs and watch them for free if we were at the same post :)

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  2. Glad to hear things went well with your uncle. Team Smith will continue to keep your grandpa and dad in our prayers! (Plus, you have PLENTY of local friends that can help you with the pups if you ever need to head out and SoldierMan isn't available....just ask!)

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  3. Praying for you and your family!

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  4. Continuing to pray for you and your family!

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  5. I will continue to pray for your family and also some peace for you!
    "May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way." 2 thessalonians 3:16

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  6. I'm sending nothing but good thoughts your way!

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  7. Praying now! God is in control.

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  8. Hugs and good vibes coming your way!

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  9. So glad that you did get some good news and that you will be able to go home next week. I am praying for you & your family!

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  10. I am praying for you and your family!!!

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  11. I will continue to send prayers to you and your family. I'm grateful you get to go home and spend some time together - that will be valuable.

    XO (from Colorado!)

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  12. Still praying for you and your family. I'm glad you will get to go home and spend time with them. And you are a strong woman...don't ever doubt that. Our faith gets tested, and we may feel weak at times, but you are not!

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