April 4, 2010

Why you might think I'm a psychopath

Hi all.

I'm traveling today, so in lieu of a Movie Monday post or a wrap-up of the weekend, I'm just checking in. We had a great weekend which I will be reporting on later.

I didn't have time to comment on all your blogs but I have been reading in the downtime. So I'm all caught up.

In the meantime, here's a little story to tide you over...

So I checked into the hotel SoldierMan booked for me, and it was...okay...I mean, for what we were paying, it was decent. The room itself was large and had a nice big bathroom and a fully-stocked kitchenette and everything. But the clientèle was...seedy. I guess there was a BCT graduation this weekend, because the lady at the front desk said they were full "for the graduation" and we saw hordes of young guys in dress greens running around town this weekend.

And I guess the various visiting families all got together and decided to have a little tailgate party down in the parking lot. Anyway, I stayed in my room all afternoon, waiting for SoldierMan to call. I go get him and bring him back six hours later, and the lobby is filled with drunks still partying hard.

Anyway, we get to the room and we're watching TV or something and SoldierMan makes a comment about how he wouldn't want me to stay here alone. I agreed. I wouldn't mind if I had my gun, but obviously I wasn't going to try and fly it here and then leave it in a hotel room whenever we went to base. Foolish, to say the least, and possibly illegal.

And the conversation goes like this:

Me: "At one point, I don't know what was going on, maybe someone next door was having trouble with their key, but it sounded like someone was rattling my door handle and trying to slide their key into mine."

SoldierMan: *shock*

Me: "So anyway, I was freaked out because, of course, I don't have my gun, and I'm here by myself."

SoldierMan: "Yeah..."

Me: "So I started thinking of alternatives. And I noticed there were all these dishes and the glass cutting board-"

SoldierMan: "You were going to hit someone with a plate?"

Me: "No, of course not! Anyway, I had the latch on the door, so even if they broke the handle lock, it would still catch on the swinging latch. At which point I would call 911 loudly, and grab the glass cutting board, and holding it with one of the dish towels, smash it on the sink-"

SoldierMan: "Smash it? Why? Why not just hit him with it?"

Me: "Well, I would need it to be jagged. To use a blunt object you need a lot of force, and I don't really have the upper body strength. But if it's jagged, I could cut him."

SoldierMan: "You know, it's really hot to hear you talk like that."

Me: "Whatever. Anyway, even if he only got a hand in and ran away, I could still cut him and get some DNA to give to the cops, you know, in case he ever tries to hurt anyone else."

SoldierMan: "Wow, I never would have thought of that."

Me: "Well, I was watching NCIS at the time."

SoldierMan: "Oh, cool........So, you'd break the cutting board."

Me: "Yeah."

SoldierMan: "Does the kitchen not have any knives?"

*beat*

Me: "I didn't even think of that."

SoldierMan: *laughing hysterically* "And the first thing you think of is to smash stuff up. That's awesome."

I guess I can't make fun of him anymore for being a crazy Infantry Officer. I'm a crazy Infantry Wife.

16 comments:

  1. That conversation was HILARIOUS!!! Girl, I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley.

    Glad you had a great weekend!

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  2. LOL!!! That's hilarious!

    You might be glad to know that I had a similar experience while I was there for Joe's BCT graduation. No one was trying to get into my room, but there were guys outside my door and it totally creeped me out. I also I had nothing to break and cut them with. =)

    Hope you had a good time other than that!

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  3. Okay, that is the funniest thing I have heard all weekend!!

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  4. Such a funny story!! Busting something is more fun than grabbing a knife;)

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  5. Haha nice! I definitely wouldn't want to cross you! :)

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  6. Hillarios! Thanks for sharing with us =)

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  7. Thanks for sharing your conversation! Too cute!! And girl I am always packing so I know what you mean. Have a good day!

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  8. HAHAHA! Love the conversation!! :)

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  9. Haha! That conversation just made me laugh so hard! Good thinking about the dna thing though! Glad you guys had a great time!

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  10. Haha! That conversation just made me laugh so hard! Good thinking about the dna thing though! Glad you guys had a great time!

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  11. HAHAHA!!! Absolutely perfect! I love it. I mean...why use a knife if you can break things right? And I like how you were watching NCIS while thinking about this. LOL

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  12. HAHAHA!!! Absolutely perfect! I love it. I mean...why use a knife if you can break things right? And I like how you were watching NCIS while thinking about this. LOL

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  13. HAHAHA!!! Absolutely perfect! I love it. I mean...why use a knife if you can break things right? And I like how you were watching NCIS while thinking about this. LOL

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  14. Because you're not busy enough in your life right now, you have a surprise waiting for you on my blog =)

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  15. I love the way you think!-that was great!

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